When we were little kids, we learned about “inside thoughts” and “outside thoughts”. Your teacher (with the endless supply of pastel smocks…where do teachers get those smocks?) taught you that you can’t verbalize everything you think, because you’re probably thinking socially unacceptable nonsense 98% of the time. So we adapted, and basically started lying about our true thoughts. Let’s take wine tasting as an example:
What you say: “There’s a great nose on this.” *swirls wines*
What you mean: This smells like the purple Mr. Sketch marker.
What you say: “Which region did these grapes grow in?”
What you mean: Did all these grapes grow literally right outside of this building? Is this a stupid question? Should I pretend I was joking? Is it too late to laugh?
What you say: “This wine is so full-bodied and fruit forward.”
What you mean: My hours of Googling “wine tasting terms” have finally paid off. I am a goddess of wine knowledge.They’ll probably try to hire me on the spot as their next pourer.
What you say: “I’m not super hungry, maybe we can just grab one of those cheese plates from the display case and head out onto the patio?”
What you mean: I am several tense moments away from gnawing on my own appendages. I’ve already eaten my emergency Clif bar and I considered eating the fake grapes being used as decor.
What you say: “What a unique blend.”
What you mean: Where’s the spit bucket?
What you say: “I love winery weddings, they’re so romantic and you don’t even have to decorate!”
What you mean: Did Chris hear me say that? Maybe I should mention it again. Casually.
Practice your lies before this weekend, friends. You’re gonna need them.
